Comfort Measures Only

Mom and Beth--October 4, 2008

My mother had been admitted to the palliative care unit at our local hospital. Her physician said, “I have written the orders for Comfort Measures Only, your mother will not be suffering, I have walked in your shoes with my own mother, this is the loving choice.” This began the closing of the final chapter of my mother’s life following a three-year decline mentally and physically due to dementia. It was also the closing of a chapter in my own life, as part of the “sandwich” generation—caring for an elderly relative while raising my own children. Our youngest child was graduating from high school and moving from our home to attend college. During this same season of change, we also lost our two dogs to cancer within eight months of each other.

My mother moved in with us following my father’s death and lived with us for 17 years. For many years, it was a blessing to all of us. She was there for our daughter after school or when I had to work late. When our son was born, she was a great help, and it was a joy for our children to have their only grandmother living with our family. As osteoporosis fractures in Mom’s spine began to cause her more and more unbearable pain, and pain management medications became stronger, dementia began to take over her mind.

            Philippians 3:10 from the Amplified Bible became my daily prayer throughout this season of change. “My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly.” God has answered that prayer. I am progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with my Lord through this season of change. God met me at the point of my need, answering my prayer through giving me a heart to set my alarm for 5 a.m. each morning so that I would have quiet time with Him and His word each morning before I faced the day. Each morning I awake and before my feet hit the floor, I begin asking Him to speak to me through His word. After putting on a pot of coffee, and settling down at my kitchen table, I open His word, and listen for His still small voice to minister to me. I have journaled these changes over the years, and how a specific Scripture would be just what I would need for that day, that moment in time.

I came to a place in my life where I wanted, more than anything else, to love God more. I began to pray, “Lord, I want to delight in you!” God is so inconceivably good. He’s not looking for perfection. He already saw it in Christ. He’s looking for affection. That’s why every lasting change will invariably be a change of heart. He’ll even supply the heart, if we’ll ask him.  My daily prayer continues to this day, “Lord Jesus, give me a heart which yearns for Your Presence, a yearning for You that draws me over and over into Your Presence, a yearning that makes only a few days without time in prayer and Your Word seem like an eternity. Give me a heart which is motivated first and foremost by a desire for You, not for what You can do for me, but a yearning for Your Presence. Give me a heart that wants You more than anything else You could give, to love You and know You more than anything in life. Give me a heart that takes what You have made known to me and makes You re-known to everyone else, a heart that makes Your name and renown the desire of my heart. Give me a heart to feel Your Holy Spirit woo me once again to the place where I meet You. In the simplicity of my prayer time, give me a heart to be suddenly confronted by the majesty of my Redeemer—the One Who is responsible for any good in me. Lord, each morning, give me a heart that seeks Your forgiveness for past sins, and welcomes Your fresh mercies which fall like manna from Heaven, and once again move my heart. I surrender all. Morning after morning.”

            As my mother’s mental and physical health began to decline three years ago, God answered my prayer in helping us to find the funding for a wonderful assisted living facility nearby that provided her with the care and security she needed. I was able to go there daily to see her, interact with her caregivers and help with her care. Mom would often ask me to pray with her, and it was such a comfort to both of us as we would come before the throne of grace together, seeking the loving arms of our Great Shepherd. He walked with us through the valley of the shadow of death as she lingered for several days in the palliative care unit at our local hospital before Mom stepped out of time and into eternity with our Lord. Mom’s last year on earth was also our son’s last year in high school. One of the last things Mom was able to articulate was that our son would be able to go to the college that he wanted to attend. God answered that prayer by helping us to put together the financial aid needed. God has met me right at the point of my need, even in this season of an “empty nest” by allowing me to see our son successfully in college.

Our sweet little "Cookie"

            God is into the details of our lives, as He has answered my prayer to know Him more deeply and more intimately, He has met my needs moment-by-moment—even to the point of leading us to a little beagle-mix puppy who had been rescued from abandonment just days after we returned from taking our son to college. Our little beagle, “Cookie,” has filled our empty arms with love and joy. What comfort, what compassion, meeting us right at the point of our need! Even though this has been a season of great change, great loss, I can truly say, my determined purpose is still that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly every day.  
(c) 2011 beth willis miller
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      In what ways have you experienced an "empty nest" or "sandwich generation" season?
            How have you been encouraged or inspired during a difficult time in your life?